The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and on Amazon.com

Here’s an email I received from Jamie:

Dear Dr. Kenner,
A few months ago, I started talking to a man on the internet. Over the past few weeks, he’s been saying strange things about his 14-year-old daughter. I saved these conversations and brought them to the police, but they’re unable to do anything without his last name and other identifying details. This week, he told me that he’s discovered his daughter isn’t biologically his, and he’s shared other unsettling details. I think he’s lying because I’ve already caught him in a few lies. I want this man in prison, but no one will help me find him. All I have is his Yahoo address and a little other information that might help. What do I do? I’m a single mother of three, and it makes me sick to think about the things he’s said. He’s starting to fixate on me, saying he misses me and wants to meet. What do I do? I need help.

Dr. Kenner’s response:

This is understandably frightening. In your situation, many people would feel helpless, fearful, and overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts. This can happen especially if you're unsure of his intentions or if he might be a predator. These are normal reactions when facing cyberstalking or harassment.

A few points to note: most victims are women, and the majority of perpetrators are men. Here are some steps to consider.
First, go to WiredSafety.org and look up cyberstalking. Perry Aftab, a cyberspace lawyer and executive director of WiredSafety, offers some essential tips. She recommends taking every case of cyberstalking seriously. To prepare for legal action, keep all evidence and clearly, unconditionally tell him to stop bothering you. If he persists, this will be valuable evidence.

Stop all communication with him immediately. Don’t give him any reaction—positive or negative—as these individuals often thrive on attention. Avoid revisiting the chat room or any online spaces where you initially met him. Change your online identity if necessary, and ensure you’ve never shared personal information. Since you have three children, your safety is crucial.

Contact the police again and bring any logs, emails, or related documents. They may be able to trace him using this information. Unfortunately, many law enforcement agencies are undertrained and underfunded for handling internet crimes, so persistence is key. WiredSafety can help connect your police department with professionals trained in this area.

If you’re experiencing trauma, please consider speaking to a therapist or medical doctor. This documentation could also serve as evidence if the situation escalates to a legal matter.

WiredSafety outlines three types of internet stalkers. The first is an obsessional stalker, who may believe they are romantically interested in you but often display abusive and controlling behaviors. They may have criminal records unrelated to stalking. The second type, which you may be dealing with, is the delusional stalker. They may suffer from mental health disorders, leading to irrational beliefs and fixation. The third is the vengeful stalker, driven by anger over real or perceived slights. These cases, though less common, can sometimes turn violent.

Cyberstalking typically follows a pattern: it’s repetitive, distressing, and lacks any legitimate purpose. It’s often personally targeted, with a disregard for your repeated requests to stop. If this persists, seek help immediately.

For more resources, visit WiredSafety.org.

Here’s a quick question from a listener:
Beyond completing college with a bachelor’s in psychology, what steps should I take to become a clinical psychologist?

To become a clinical psychologist, first find an accredited school offering a master’s degree, then pursue a PhD. You’ll spend several years in school, during which you’ll write a dissertation or complete a major project. Following that, you’ll go through an internship—similar to a residency for doctors—where you’ll train with specific populations, like children or adults. Afterward, you’ll work under a licensed psychologist and, finally, sit for state exams. It’s a long journey, but for those passionate about the field, the process itself is incredibly rewarding.

For more information on Dr. Kenner’s work, visit DrKenner.com.