The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Tom, in his late 30s, is dating a woman in her early 40s and feels she is trying to change him, such as making him wear black slacks instead of blue jeans and changing his hairstyle. He resents these changes as they make him uncomfortable. Despite her attractiveness, Tom is not interested in a long-term relationship with her due to the constant criticism and lack of mutual respect. Dr. Kenner advises that relationships require give and take but emphasizes the importance of tact and subtlety. Tom acknowledges his frustration and contemplates ending the relationship. The conversation highlights the complexities of finding a compatible partner and the balance between personal preferences and relationship dynamics.

Outline
Dating and Personal Changes
Speaker 1, Tom, introduces himself and mentions he started dating someone recently but feels the person is trying to change him.

Tom explains that the changes, such as wearing black slacks instead of blue jeans, make him uncomfortable and are not something he wishes to do.

Speaker 2 asks for an example, and Tom provides the example of being told to wear black slacks, which he finds unacceptable.

Tom mentions that the changes are external and make him feel like he's going through a roller coaster of emotions.

External Changes and Comfort
Tom elaborates that the changes include a different hairstyle, which he finds unnecessary and uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 questions why Tom is staying with someone who is making these changes, and Tom admits there is no value in the relationship.

Tom mentions that he has been dating this person for three or four months but feels there is no long-term potential.

Tom expresses a desire for a long-term relationship but feels that staying with this person is a matter of comfort and not necessarily a logical choice.

Conflict and Preferences
Speaker 2 discusses the natural impulse to enjoy a relationship for as long as possible and questions Tom's desire for a long-term romance.

Tom agrees that a long-term relationship is reasonable and preferable but feels that the current relationship is not working out.

Speaker 2 explains that different styles and preferences can lead to conflicts, even in small things like hair or weight.

Speaker 2 shares a personal anecdote about weight and cooking, showing that conflicts can arise from small differences.

Criticism and Relationship Dynamics
Tom expresses his discomfort with blatant criticism and feels that drastic changes are unacceptable in a relationship.

Speaker 2 emphasizes the importance of feeling visible for love and being loved for who you are.

Tom mentions another issue with his partner, who criticizes his job schedule and doesn't understand his tiredness.

Speaker 2 suggests reading a book on finding a soulmate to understand the complexity of matching with someone.

Respect and Relationship Future
Speaker 2 discusses the importance of tact and subtlety in giving suggestions for change in a relationship.

Tom admits that he could be critical but chooses not to be because he values the relationship.

Speaker 2 concludes that Tom is tired of the relationship and suggests that future relationships should involve some give and take with tact.

Tom agrees but feels that the constant changes and criticism are overwhelming and unsustainable.

Ad Break and Guidebook Promotion
An ad for "The Selfish Path to Romance" guidebook is played, promoting it as a serious romance guidebook.

Speaker 2 reiterates the importance of feeling visible for love and being loved for who you are in a relationship.

Tom mentions another issue with his partner, who criticizes his job schedule and doesn't understand his tiredness.

Speaker 2 suggests reading a book on finding a soulmate to understand the complexity of matching with someone.

Final Thoughts and Future Solutions
Speaker 2 emphasizes that romantic love requires a harmony between reasoned judgment and feelings.

Tom agrees that a long-term relationship is reasonable but feels that the current relationship is not working out.

Speaker 2 suggests that future relationships should involve some give and take with tact.

Tom agrees but feels that the constant changes and criticism are overwhelming and unsustainable.