The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish path to romance. Download chapter one for free at Dr kenner.com

In the same river since you started working, Frank, if you weren't always so broke, I wouldn't have to work.

Do you have somebody who's sponging off of you in life who's taking advantage of you, whether it's a sibling or have even heard cases in therapy where it's the parents who are sponging off the very industrious, ambitious kids, you know, the grown kids, obviously, you know, do you have someone that's taking advantage of you? Well, listen closely to the words of a young woman who escaped such a situation, she's talking and she's saying, Well, I guess I ought to tell you the truth, Mr. Taggart, my old man's never been any good. And ma didn't care whether he was or not. And I got sick of it always turning out that I was the only one of seven, the seven of us that kept a job and the rest of them always being out of luck one way or another. I thought if I didn't get out of here, it would get me, I'd rot all the way through like the rest of them. So I bought a railroad ticket one day and I left. I didn't say goodbye. They didn't even know I was going, her companion asked, what is it that you wanted to do? Oh, I don't know, but people do things in the world. I saw pictures of New York, and I thought somebody built those buildings. He didn't just sit around and whine that the kitchen was filthy and the roof leaking and the plumbing clogged, and it's a damn world, and we were stinking poor and not giving a damn about it, that's what I couldn't take, that they really didn't give a damn, not enough to lift a finger, not enough to empty the garbage pail, and the woman next door saying it was my duty to help them, saying It made no difference what became of me or her or any of us, because what could one do anyway? Now this is from my favorite book, Atlas, shrugged. You can always get that on my website, Dr kenner.com, and this is by Ayn Rand. And Ayn Rand has the philosophy for living on Earth. It's called objectivism, and these are, in her words, she said, the purpose of morality. Think of what you've been taught throughout your life. The purpose of morality is to teach you not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live like this woman, Cheryl haggard, wanted to do she wanted to embrace her life. She wanted to make it interesting and not just wine all day. Now in therapy, that's exactly what I work with my clients to accomplish. I let them tell me what careers they love or have ever dreamed of having that are still possible. What hobbies are they passionate about? What true friends do they have, and what luggage or baggage are they carrying around? Whether it's bad friends, friends who are just not true friends, but backstabbers or people who are pulling them down. I help them find a soulmate, not that I do the searching, but I help teach them how to be active in the pursuit of a soulmate, and not just sit home on the couch and wonder why you never get asked out. Now, many of them, when I ask them the question, what do you love in life, will tell me I've never thought about it, or I've always been doing for everyone else for so long that I never pause to think about myself, and other people just take me for granted. I'm always doing for others, and I just feel like a doormat in life. Now. They want their happiness. They want not to go through life putting on that fake smile, pretending that they're happy and genuinely feeling tortured inside. They don't want sacrifice. They want to live their lives. But how do they go about doing it. How do you go about feeling like it's okay, not only okay, but moral to enjoy your own life. Hey,

I gotta interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back. Romance. I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship. Well, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw here? It is the selfish path to romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfish romance.com and buy it@amazon.com huh? The Selfish path to romance, that is interesting, but

How do they go about doing it? How do you go about feeling like it's okay, not only okay, but moral to enjoy your own life. If you think back in your own life, have you ever been told you're selfish somehow self valuing, being self. Assertive, having self esteem, having a self selfishness, having that not not someone that runs rough, shot over people, but valuing, truly loving your life. Somehow these are made to seem bad and that sacrificing for other people, whether it's Cheryl's lazy, slothful mooching family members or sacrificing for God. Somehow these are enshrined as good. Ask yourself, who benefits and who loses? Now, what moral code would promote that? What moral code would promote that the purpose of morality is to teach you not to enjoy yourself and live but to suffer and die. What moral code comes to mind and what moral code enshrines the suffering and makes it tantamount to being a good person? The more you suffer, the better you are, and a passion for your life, a sensual afternoon with your partner, or the joy of teaching your children how to read or how to ride a bike or how to pursue a hobby that they love, maybe in sports or playing the piano, or the excitement of starting your own business, the pleasure of talking with a best friend, your love of golf or tennis or playing the cello or guitar, your love of gardening or going back to school to learn French or Italian so that you can take that dream to vacation to Paris and Venice. This is rationally enjoying your life, and that's what my show is all about. It's the rational basis of happiness and the other moral code enshrined suffering. And of course, we've seen that in Terry Chavos case, a woman that basically was in a persistent vegetative state, from all reports, was not able to think, to have memories, to value, to act in a state of living death. Now, why do people want to leave her in that state? Why are misery and suffering and shine enshrined? I know she's dead now, but they did keep her in that state for a very long time. Why would they want to do that? And the family members that have to go through those tortured years? In an article a cult of living death, this is from the Ayn Rand Institute, Alex Epstein writes, In a world in which such a code of suffering persisted. Individuals with incurable and unbearable diseases would not be able to die with dignity at a time of their own choosing, but would be subjected to a protracted existence of often an unspeakable agony. And he continues to say that their loved ones would have to endure torturous months or years of seeing which what was once a vibrant, vibrant human being persist as a mass of pain or a vegetable incapable of emotion, memory or thought, and to uphold these this position in the name of sanctity of life is A colossal fraud, and I agree we all face that choice. The culture is percolating, percolating with people trying to make you feel guilty for your passion for life, like Cheryl's passion for life and my show is just the opposite. It's the rational basis of happiness. You matter. Your happiness matters. You never take advantage of anyone else, but you never let them take advantage of you either. I'm Dr Ellen Kenner. I'm a clinical psychologist, and my show is the rational basis of happiness for more Dr Kenner podcast, go to Dr kenner.com and please listen to this ad.

Here's an excerpt from the selfish path to romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr Ellen Kenner and Dr Edwin Locke, communication

is so important, but what if your partner just doesn't talk or want to listen, even after repeated attempts to communicate? What if you feel as though you're talking to a wall, that nothing you say will get a response? Several factors could be at work here first, your partner could be ignoring you out of anger or resentment, perhaps over frustration about love making or spending. He or she may be acting in a passive aggressive manner to get even about something. Refusing to talk is one way. There are others, such as refusing to do any yard work or help out with the kids. If you suspect this, ask, hon, is there something I'm doing that's upsetting you? I feel a distance between us.

You can download chapter one for free by going to Dr kenner.com and you can buy the book@amazon.com