The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at drkenner.com.

Mike, you're having some trouble getting a job?

Yes, I'm looking for a job. I have schizoaffective disorder, and I have recovered from it, for I would say the most, very most part. I also have several physical problems that were caused by the medication I took over the years.

Okay, is that tardive dyskinesia?

Yes, and sleep apnea, heart disease… a little bit of everything. That’s a lot, but I can manage. I'm looking for employment. I live in a small town, and I'm determined to stay here, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not. I'm a licensed social worker, and I’m good. One of my doctors told me, “You have a lot of talent. You have musical talent. You have talent with people.” I worked with the blind and disabled for over 21 years.

Wow.

And I was bullied out of that job, so I took disability.

You were what? I didn’t hear that.

I didn’t hear what you said. You said you were… what happened with the disability job?

I was bullied out of it.

Oh, bullied. I didn’t get the word.

For 14 years, I had a wonderful time at work. It was just like going to an amusement park; it was wonderful. But then, for the eight years after that, it was just torture and bullying, mainly from people who, I guess, were prejudiced against the rights and needs of the disabled.

So, you're very good at working with that population, right? And you've been told that by a doctor. You also have musical talent?

Yes, I’m a piano teacher too. I was a preacher for 10 years.

Okay, so you’re looking for employment now. You mentioned you have schizoaffective disorder or had it in the past.

Yes, and I've been in therapy since I was 16. I'm 51 now, and I still go to therapy for preventative maintenance. I’ve had many physical problems caused by medications, like lithium and others, so I have to see a lot of doctors. Employers don’t want to honor the Federal Medical Leave Act or give me any slack for time off, so that’s another issue.

Let me ask, you’re looking for a job now. Were you recently turned down?

Yes, I have been, and some applications are still in process. It seems like I can’t get a job locally. I’m also divorced.

How long have you been divorced?

Three years.

I’m looking for a position, although I'm almost finished with my teaching certificate in music.

Let me pause and sum up what I’m hearing. You have had a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. For someone unfamiliar, would you describe it a bit?

Yes, it’s kind of like bipolar, with depressive symptoms and sometimes mania, acting out, and occasionally paranoia. I’ve had some delusions but never hallucinations.

So, it’s more paranoid symptoms?

Yes, and I talk openly about it. I've worked hard in therapy. Sometimes, it’s difficult to reveal things I need to say to get help.

So, here’s what I’m hearing. When you have a diagnosis like that and you’re looking for a job, one recommendation I have is honesty with your employer. If they employ you and later find out about your history after you've said there was none, it can alarm them. Right now, you sound very respectful and on top of things. You know the effects of your medication, and you don’t sound like you’re disconnected. You’ve shared how much you enjoy your work, and you’ve even been commended. I know you had eight years of bullying, which likely contributed to some paranoia, especially if you were truly bullied.

Yes, it was someone in our parent agency who was a general librarian with no professional background who just took a dislike to me. My psychologist confirmed that it wasn’t my paranoia—this person really did harm me.

Knowing that you can distinguish bullying from paranoia is a good sign. You monitor your moods daily?

Yes, every day.

That's phenomenal. It sounds like you’re psychologically informed and doing everything you can despite your challenges. You have a professional license in social work, correct?

Yes.

What would you like to do?

I’d like to go back and get my teaching certificate, which would take two more years of college. I’m 51, but maybe I could teach music and choral music education for the next 20 years.

Do you have the finances for that?

I can get financial aid, and I receive disability benefits, so that’s manageable. My only fear is with the economy; so many people with mental illnesses are applying for disability. I'm concerned that benefits may be harder to maintain.

It’s wise to always have a backup plan or two. If teaching doesn’t work out, you could have another option. Maybe you could take on a part-time job while working toward teaching. I know you’re on disability, so it’s a challenge, but you could teach piano as a backup.

I could make up to $2,000 a month that way.

Right. My final piece of advice is to focus on your strengths, not on your disability. Be honest with any potential employer and let them see, like I’m seeing, that you have a lot of strengths. You don’t sound disconnected; you sound very put together. Educate them on your schizoaffective disorder, let them know what it entails, and why you’re okay to work in the job you choose. Make sure they understand, and focus on what you can do.

Thank you very much for the call. Focus on your strengths.

Thank you.

And here’s a little more from Dr. Kenner:

Why doesn’t he let you do what you want? Tell him off. Couldn't get any worse. Your parents told you to stay quiet—Mr. Future lawyer and Mr. Future banker. I don't like it any more than you do. Just don’t tell me how to talk to my father. You guys are the same way.

And that’s from Dead Poets Society. If you have problems with parents dictating your life, choices, relationships, or career, you don’t want to rebel just for the sake of it. Think for yourself and decide what’s best for your future. As you gain more choice with age, you’ll want to exercise it thoughtfully. Avoid going down the path of rebellion just to spite them.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com.

Here’s an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and co-author Dr. Edwin Locke:

"Your ability to value romance can be helped by having a rational approach to raising your own family. Being a parent is a huge, time-consuming, long-term responsibility. Don’t take on this role out of duty or conformity. Remember that raising and educating a child requires not only time and effort but also significant financial resources. Plan ahead by saving money, living in a good school district, and making time for both parenting and romance. In this way, you maintain parenting as a value rather than allowing it to become an unwanted duty or undermine your romantic relationship."

You can download chapter one for free at drkenner.com and buy The Selfish Path to Romance on Amazon.