The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DoctorKenner.com and Amazon.com.

Right now, I want to welcome John to the show. John, you are having some health concerns.

Yes, I'm going through a lot of fear and anxiety almost every day because of this medication I'm on. It's called COVID, and it's a blood-thinning medication.

You know, I'm not a medical doctor, right? I'm a psychologist. Okay, so in dealing with the fear, you're on a medication. Has your doctor given you any reason to be concerned? Has he said that you're at very high risk?

Well, no, it's just the product information of the medication. It has all kinds of possible side effects that are very bad. I'm reading all these side effects, and you could get a stroke, and all kinds of bad side effects, possible side effects, and just doing all this stuff, and it's got me concerned about all this stuff. Got me really scared.

Okay, let me tell you a little bit about that. First, you're taking a risk; you're taking some medication, and the risk you're taking weighs it in favor of it being more beneficial to you. Otherwise, your doctor would not have prescribed it. Is that accurate?

Well, yes, I have to take it because I had a surgery and then I'm on medication for blood-thinning issues. Yes, you're right. So there's a benefit. There's a life-preserving benefit to taking it. If you didn't take it, it would be worse. Otherwise, your doctor would not prescribe it. That's what I'm assuming. The risk would be worse, right?

Well, here's the issue. I made a choice between two options, and I chose that. Chose to be on this medication. Now, regretting my decision, I wish I would have gone with the other option, but hindsight is great and everything, but that has something to do with it also. But I'm still in fear of this medication because it has a got to be, you know, work restrictions and be careful and everything, and the budget has all these bad side effects associated with it.

If you look up the side effects of aspirin, what do you think you might find?

Stuff like stomach upset, and I don't know, probably a lot of other stuff.

When pharmaceutical companies have to put down the risks, they have to put down everything. And so even if the chance is extremely, extremely remote, but somebody got sick and said it was because of that medication, they have to put those down, right? So sometimes those lists are risk protection. They need to warn you in advance, but they don’t. The risk could be very, very small. Like it would be like going on an airplane saying you're at risk for a terrorist attack, you're at risk for maybe getting a virus on the plane because you're in closed quarters, you're at risk of the plane crashing, or of birds flying into the wings. How many people would fly?

And so you need to take that information in context that if it’s a very high-risk medication, that’s one thing. I don’t think your doctor would prescribe something unless you definitely needed it. I'm assuming he's a good doctor, and you're just coming off surgery again. I don't know the medication. I don't know the type. I'm just dealing with the fear here.

If you paint pictures in your mind of having a stroke or being incapacitated to where you're fearful of any work at all, then the problem may not be the medication. The problem may be that you're torturing yourself needlessly with a lot of imagery, with a lot of thoughts of catastrophic situations, right? And if that's the case, you want to be able to put those fears in a realistic context. It’s not that you brush them away, it’s that you say, hey—

I got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that’s it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

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It’s that you say, for example, when you go in for surgery, what do they tell you? You sign a sheet that says that you may—

You might die. You may die.

Right. Now, you're being good in that you're doing your own research. But my doctors have also warned me that, without being able to put it in context, we exaggerate the risks in our minds, right? For example, I did get shingles, facial shingles. Do you know what that is?

Where?

No, no. Well, I didn’t either. And so I went on the web, and I researched facial shingles. And it said that I could get Bell’s Palsy. My whole face, just kind of losing the musk, the neural—the neuromuscular configuration, you know, damage to nerves, permanent damage. It could go over my scalp. I could be covered in rashes that were itchy and burning for months. You know, it was horrific. And I went to my doctor, and she said, "What’d you do, go on the internet and read about it?" I said, "Yeah." She goes, "Yeah, take these pills. You'll be fine."

So, you know, it lasted for me. She was able to catch it earlier, and nothing happened. And if I had looked up those pills, my guess is I would have read things like you read. So I'm not saying that you can't go back to your doctor and talk about your other option.

But you—

There is no other option. I'm on this medication for life unless I have another surgery.

Okay, well, the option is surgery. Do you want the surgery?

It’s open-heart surgery. It’s very risky, and I might have to go through that anyway to take that chance to get off the medication.

So wonderful. Do you see what you just did? You put side by side your two options, and one of them is far riskier, so you made them more rational.

Because this one medication can kill you. They both, both, both could be and then death.

I would get... What would you tell me to do in that situation? Or your best friend?

Get a second—

They'd go talk to a bunch of different doctors, I guess.

And it’s not that you need to talk to a bunch of different doctors. Get one with a good reputation, and speak to that doctor. If you need a third opinion, you can do that too. If they both say the same thing and you’re not convinced, you don’t want to do what’s called "doctor shopping," where you keep searching for a doctor who will confirm your worst fears, painting pictures of the worst-case scenarios. Is that good? Would you want your kids to do that if they had to take this medication? Or your best friend?

Well, no, but even when you're on this medication and you're doing everything right, you still have a risk of bad things happening, though, and that, you know, another part—

But then it's learning to live with risk. You know, when I get in my car to go to the gym, I’m learning to live with risk, right? Am I going to catastrophize about it and read up on the web about how many people have died in a car accident? How safe will that make me on the road, and how pleasurable will it be for me to drive to the gym? Or will I be aware of the risk, do whatever I can to drive safely, and enjoy the gym? Look forward to the gym. Enjoy your life. Take the medication and enjoy your life. Get a second opinion or a third opinion, and then sit with that and know that you can’t have a risk-free life, right? But not to catastrophize, not to paint those awful pictures in your mind, because you may be painting them, and none of them may ever come true, and you may have wasted a lot of time.

But you say, get, get a second, third opinion, talk to doctors and see what they realize.

Right. And don’t catastrophize the risks. Any of us would feel nervous if we read the pharmaceutical information on any, any drug that would—

Oh, yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm just so scared.

Yeah, but just—you're gonna eat, but you can do that with any drug at all, and you would get the same fears, because they all have to say the same thing. So thank you so much for your call, John. Okay, I wish you the best.

And here’s a little more from Dr. Kenner:

Dad and I had another fight.

So I’m afraid if we stay under the same roof together, we'll do irreparable harm to the relationship we have as it is.

You might remember why you moved him in in the first place. You wanted to get closer to Dad.

I still do. There isn’t anything I’d like more, but he makes it impossible. I can’t read my book, I can’t have my coffee, I can’t have any peace in my own home.

So what you’re saying is, you want to be closer to Dad, but you don’t actually want him around.

And that’s from Frasier. And we all have that feeling about relatives. There are times when maybe it’s a sister or a brother or a parent or somebody that you’ve had such great times with, and you think, wouldn’t it be great if we lived together? Or wouldn’t it be great if we traveled together? And then you start doing it, you