The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and Amazon.com.

He got a fair trial, didn’t he? What do you think that trial cost?
He’s lucky he got it.
We heard the facts, didn’t we? You’re not going to tell me that we’re supposed to believe this kid, knowing what he is. Listen, I’ve lived among them all my life. You can’t believe a word they say. You know that?
I mean, they’re born liars.
Only an ignorant man can believe that. Now listen, do you think you were born with a monopoly on the truth?

And that’s from 12 Angry Men. A fabulous, fabulous movie. It’s an older movie with top actors in it, Henry Fonda among them—a fabulous movie. The whole theme is about someone saying, “Don’t talk to these types of people,” whether they’re tall, short, Black, or white, making a very bad statement. And someone has the courage to speak up.

Do you have the courage to speak your mind? Maybe on a small scale, like when you’re at a meeting and disagree with someone, or at work if you disagree with the boss or a policy, or maybe with your family during a holiday meal. Do you have the courage to speak up in your own life? Many of us want that courage but don’t know how to effectively speak out. We might get sweaty, yell, or say things we regret.

Joining me today is Lynn Zinser. She is the vice president at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, a division of the Ayn Rand Institute. If you want to know who Ayn Rand is, she wrote my absolute favorite book, Atlas Shrugged. Lynn Zinser knows the psychological benefits of acting on your values. She’s a prominent, passionate intellectual activist, helping to preserve our freedom. She’s totally pro-rational values. Welcome, Lynn.

Thank you. I’m glad to be here.

Oh, it’s so fun to have you here. What are the mental health benefits for you or for any of us of acting on our values? For example, fighting for your freedom, whether you’re trapped in an abusive relationship or want to speak out when you see politicians undermining your freedom?

Well, there’s a whole host of benefits. I’m actually amazed at how many there are—self-confidence, a sense of integrity in fighting for your values, speaking up and acting for them. You realize you can make a difference, especially in local or state political issues when others are supporting you. You learn that you’re not acting alone. There are so many benefits.

So, instead of viewing yourself as powerless, worthless, or just “a peon,” thinking, “I’m just a drop in the bucket, and I can’t do anything,” you’re saying that by speaking out, you are doing something. You’re contributing, whether in state politics or in support of rational principles. Every little bit counts. It’s better than thinking, “Oh, whatever I do isn’t enough and doesn’t matter.”

Yes, I think this only really works if you’re acting on rational values. I think you can only get that psychological benefit that way; it might be another program topic.

Okay, so you talked about integrity and courage. Those are words everyone wants, but people throw those words around. What do they actually mean? What is integrity?

Hey, I need to interrupt this, because we have to pay some bills. Thirty seconds, that’s it. A quick ad, and then we’ll be right back.

Romance. Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where’s that ad I saw? Here it is—the Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at SelfishRomance.com and buy it on Amazon.com. Hmm, The Selfish Path to Romance. That is interesting.

Everyone wants integrity and courage, but people throw those words around. What are they? What the heck is integrity?

Well, I think courage is the willingness to act on behalf of one’s values, especially in dangerous or fearful circumstances. It’s not fearlessness. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel fear; it’s taking action despite the fear. Knowledge of the fear, yet acting even though one experiences it.

It’s like times when I, as a shy kid, would raise my hand despite feeling adrenaline or even my heart pounding, thinking, “Oh my God, what am I doing?” But just raising my hand gives me courage. I’m earning the virtue of courage by speaking up for myself.

Yes, that is courage—acting even though you’re scared. For example, in an abusive situation, it’s taking action to get out, even if it’s dangerous.

And they’re terrified. I’ve worked with many, typically women but sometimes men, trapped in abusive relationships for decades, isolated by their partner who won’t let them talk to others and relentlessly beats down their mind. When they go to therapy, they start to learn that they have value and the right to live free from this. They fear the battle, but when they fight it, what do they gain, Lynn?

Oh, you gain self-confidence. You gain a sense of acting appropriately, and you build confidence in yourself. It’s amazing the values you gain by taking steps to act on your values.

It’s like you walk into a room, see someone hunched over looking dejected, and when they act on their values, it’s like they straighten their spine, feel strong, and gain the confidence to hold their head high, right?

Yes, they gain integrity. Integrity is acting on one’s values and being true to yourself through it. True integrity is a commitment to act on one’s values. Acting once can give you that taste of integrity.

So it’s about getting a taste of it, getting the ball rolling, and experiencing how wonderful it feels. Then doing it more and more, speaking your own mind, especially in politics where many of us want to fight for rational values. Any other pointers? I know we’re almost out of time.

Let me suggest some reading. Where can people go if they want to gain more courage?

I’d recommend Atlas Shrugged. You mentioned it was your favorite book; it’s mine too. Ayn Rand wrote it, and she also wrote The Virtue of Selfishness, which discusses courage and integrity. You can visit our website, AynRandCenter.org.

Thank you so much for joining us today, Lynn.

This was Lynn Zinser, vice president at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, a division of the Ayn Rand Institute. Thank you, Lynn.

Thank you for having me. And if you’re thinking of a birthday gift for yourself, what better gift than the courage and integrity to stay true to your values and speak up if you haven’t done so before. If you’re a little rough around the edges, perhaps gruff or harsh, you can learn to be more assertive. I’m Dr. Ellen Kenner. Great to be with you this week on The Rational Basis of Happiness.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com.

And here’s an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner.

The virtue of being productive makes you more lovable, but this doesn’t mean you have to become a millionaire. Productivity requires a long-range focus on a career, developing skills to be employable, and earning money. Your career gives you purpose and financial ability to trade with others, sustaining and enriching your life. It gives you pride in yourself. Don’t think you’re unlovable without a job or career. You may be in a tough time, between jobs, unemployed by circumstance, or caring for family. If you’re making an effort to improve, you’re lovable and moral.

You can download chapter one for free by visiting DrKenner.com and buy the book on Amazon.com.