The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and at Amazon.com.

I understand there's a problem with Gage Patron, see, yeah, besides the behavior problem, he won't do homework, and his test scores are—I’m not interested in any of that. I'm interested in why, when this school is on the brink of winning its first state championship in 15 years, you slap a crucial member of that team with a failing mark that would force his removal. Is that how you show your school spirit?

You're asking me to change his grade, and that's from Buffy. Willow is in a terrible situation where she has to decide whether or not to have the courage to speak her mind and say, You want me to fake reality? I didn't flunk him. He flunked himself. She has to have the courage to speak her own mind.

Do you have the courage to speak your own mind when you hear a coworker say something totally irrational? Or maybe you're sitting at a holiday meal, and your father says something irrational. Or you're listening to the news or a talk radio show, and you hear something blatantly evil, and you want to speak up. What keeps you from calling in or speaking up to those people, or writing a letter to the editor?

With me today is a woman who has learned the skills to speak up for her values, to fight for rational values. She is Lynn Zinser, an attorney and Vice President of the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, a division of the Ayn Rand Institute, and she knows the psychological benefits of acting on your values. She's a prominent, passionate intellectual activist who is helping us all to preserve our freedom. Let's learn from her.

Welcome, Lynn.

Thank you, Ellen. It's great to be here.

Yeah. And what is an intellectual activist?

Well, an intellectual activist is one who promotes change in the culture and the society that they live in through ideas. In my case, I seek to promote cultural change by promoting rational ideas in the culture.

Okay, so a person can be an intellectual activist. You could even say the President's an intellectual activist. He's trying to change the culture, but the core of his ideas is not rational. Anti-reason, anti-individualist, anti-freedom, anti-capitalist. So tell me a little about how you described yourself before you became an activist, and now, what did you do to become an activist?

Before, I was an attorney, and I was doing what most people do—making a living, sharing my life with my family and friends, but I was frustrated. I felt upset by current events. I felt frustrated that the culture was not as good and rational as I thought it should be. But I felt intimidated. I thought, There isn't anything I can do. What can one person do? I thought the government was too intrusive in business, for example, and that government regulations overran many businesses, but I felt I could do nothing about it.

So powerless.

Powerless. Yeah, just standing front-sided, yeah. And then, in fact—

I'm sorry, go ahead.

In fact, one of the things is that this never happened with me, but many people I know stop reading the newspaper because they don’t want to see—they’re tired of reading about things they feel they can do nothing about.

So the news—they just, they kind of become ostriches. They stick their head in the sand and live as if nothing dangerous is happening outside their sphere of interest, their personal sphere of interest, while we have a big problem going on. But what does that leave you feeling? I know I did the same thing. I felt numb when I started to see what was happening in the government—totally numbed, stunned. I just—I know too much about socialism and communism and fascism. I’ve read Atlas Shrugged many times, the book by Ayn Rand, which I recommend to everyone, and I just felt chilled and paralyzed. I didn't know how to get myself moving. It felt like a tsunami was coming over me. I don’t know if that sounds like what you're describing, although it doesn't sound like you had as bad a case as I did.

No, I think I did. I felt like there was nothing I could do, and that it might be dangerous for me to speak up because I worked in a larger law firm, and that might not be a good thing for me to do. I wouldn’t even speak up among my peers about what I thought was wrong and what should change.

Well, about four years ago, I went to a meeting and learned that our state legislature—I was living in Colorado at the time—had set up a commission to reform state health care towards the Massachusetts style. All but one of the commission members favored this government-run health care. That made me mad. I had two friends who were doctors in Colorado, and when I talked with them about it, both said they would leave the state, and I didn’t want that to happen. Plus, a month earlier, there was an election in Colorado with a referendum for a constitutional amendment that won by 3% of the vote, and I hadn’t spoken out against it. I think it passed because there was no real opposition. In that election, that 3% was about 1500 voters—not very many.

So that guilt you can feel—Oh my God, I wish I had spoken up. It’s too late now.

Yes, yes. And I thought I was not going to let a similar thing happen in Colorado with health care. I would fight.

How did you gain personally, going from feeling powerless and frustrated and just living in a dangerous world? How did you gain personally from fighting?

It was remarkable. First, I gained confidence and pride in myself for speaking up. I also gained because I heard from others, and I saw letters to the editor mirroring my opposition. I was surprised, as many times I didn’t even know who these people were.

So sometimes it's a catalyst. One person starts it and gives people the words, the voice to speak up on their own, too—and the courage. Yeah, the courage to do it. Psychologically, it changes your outlook on the world. You don't feel powerless; you feel empowered. You may still feel frustrated because it’s not moving fast enough, but you're doing something, which is wonderful. If you had to give advice to somebody who’s rational, who’s listening and frustrated but doesn’t know where to begin, what would you say?

I would say—

Hey, I gotta interrupt this because we’ve got to pay some bills. Thirty seconds, that’s it—a very quick ad, and then Ellen will be back.

Romance. Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is—The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at SelfishRomance.com and buy it at Amazon.com.

Hmm. The Selfish Path to Romance, that is interesting. If you had to give advice to a friend or just some random person that was a real, decent person, what would you say?

I would say, pick one issue that you care about. Learn about it—learn the facts and details about it, and start speaking up. Speak up with your friends and family.

And the key point is to speak up, but get the facts first. Don’t go on your gut feelings. Lynn, this has been wonderful being with you today.

What is your website?

It’s AynRandCenter.org—A-Y-N-R-A-N-D Center.org.

Okay, and this is Lynn Zinser from the Ayn Rand Center. Thanks for being with us today, Lynn.

Thank you. And I want to add one more thing about activism: think of people you admire who speak up, and use them as motivation. Maybe there’s nobody in your immediate family or circle of friends who speaks up—maybe they're all ostriches, too, sticking their head in the sand. But maybe there’s a hero in a book or movie. It could even be a Disney movie—like Rapunzel in Tangled, or Belle in Beauty and the Beast. Use the power of heroes to give yourself a voice, and discover the joy of speaking up. Don’t be critical of yourself because you're just learning how to do it.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com.

Here’s an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner.

Another skill necessary for effective communication between romantic partners is speaking assertively. Let's say that Paul and Sarah are discussing an upcoming holiday, and Sarah assumes they’ll spend it with her dysfunctional family. Paul, however, prefers a private getaway in the Bahamas, or even a cozy holiday dinner at a restaurant by themselves. One wrong approach Paul might use is to talk aggressively. He might say, Why the heck do we have to spend the day with those jerks you always feel you need to please your family? I'm not wasting my time with your crazy family. I don’t care what you do. This aggressive approach is referred to as “finger-pointing language” or “you language,” as it attacks the character of the listener.

You can download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and you can buy the book at Amazon.com.