The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com.

Martin, welcome to the show.

Thank you. I'm a 53-year-old male, okay, and I'm looking to go back to school to become an LPN, okay, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, yeah, about 10 years ago. Do you foresee any problems I might have with school or with a career in LPN or anything like that?

Well, the question—that would be the perfect question for yourself. Martin, I don't know how well you know yourself. How have you been since you got diagnosed? Is it a history? Is it something that's in your past? Is it ongoing? You know, have you had any of the symptoms of it? Have you had any delusions or hallucinations or paranoia since then?

My voices have been down to a two for the past four years. I’ve been living in a group home.

Okay, so you know you would need to call up the LPN Association or the school that you're considering going back to and give them all the data and be as accurate as you can with it. And of course, schizoaffective disorder is when you have a mood disorder; you have swings, right? Depression, and maybe some manic episodes. And you also have, unfortunately, some of the symptoms of schizophrenia, which are either—I don’t know what you had, whether it was delusions or hallucinations or just disorganized speech, or, you know, some of the things where you just feel like you're out of control.

Right. It was voices that I had—the voices.

You were hearing voices, right? And is that managed now? Have you managed that?

Well, yeah, for the past four years, the voices have been down to a two, so I just barely hear them. I am taking Risperdal. Yeah, I’m on my medications daily.

Okay. And what makes you interested in nursing? You know, when you get into the nursing profession, there's little room for error. And if a voice tells you to give a dose that you shouldn’t be giving, that may not be cool.

No, I worked in home health care for 23 years, working for quadriplegics, and I want to get on the higher end of nursing.

Okay, so you've had nursing experience, you're saying, right? So you've been working—are you…did you say you were working in a group home or living in a group facility?

I live in a group facility.

Okay, and as somebody, you're not the person running it or anything, correct?

No, I just live here.

Have you asked them what their opinion is? You know, someone may be one of the professionals working there or affiliated with it.

Well, they’re encouraging me. I’m in what they call a more independent-type group home.

Okay, well, what I admire is your desire to improve yourself, Martin. And the question is… there, you know, all of us have limitations. I don’t have the memory that I would need to be a brain surgeon, right? Because the amount of minuscule, very specific, focused detail is not something I've trained my mind to do, to know every neural pathway. That’s like me being a rocket scientist. So you don’t ever want to put yourself in a position where you feel like it’s challenging in a way that’s dangerous for yourself. And I would say that, you know, as an LPN, you’re already working with quadriplegics, and… how is that going for you?

Hey, I gotta interrupt this because we’ve got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that’s it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

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You’re already working with quadriplegics, and you say, how is that going for you?

I had to quit working about eight years ago because of the voices, and I haven't been back to work since, but I did it for 23 years straight.

Okay, so…that’s a little different. If you've been out… I thought you were, are you doing ongoing work with them? And it was just segueing away? If the voices are barely down now, what else have you considered? Because you want to give yourself a menu of options. It may be possible that, I mean, if you speak to the professionals and they say yes, an LPN with voices at your level, it seems like you would be able to do just, you know, some care work. Maybe they would put limitations on you, like I took Senior Life Saving, and they told me that I passed it, but they would never allow me to be a lifeguard at a pool or at any beach because, even though I passed it, I was terrified of the water. So, you know? It wasn’t that I was terrified, but it was… I was anxious. I was trying to get over my own fear of the water. So they passed me with the provision that I couldn’t do XYZ. I couldn’t work in the field, essentially. So there may be a situation where they say you can do limited work. I don’t know the career of being an LPN; I don’t know the details of it. They may give you some boundaries where you can work within. If that’s not the case, I wouldn’t promise that to yourself. I would come up with some other things that are feasible because I do admire your desire to get back to work if you haven't been working for eight years. What else could you do, Martin?

That, I'm not sure. I could possibly be a CNA or medical assistant, doctor.

Okay? Again, you want to be careful with anything with the voices, right?

Right.

So I'm trying to think of something that you could do where there's more room for error.

Oh boy.

Okay, so it’s wonderful when you hit a tough one because what that allows you to do is…it’s a gift to get a question that allows you to think outside the square, meaning to come up with some more items on the menu. Instead of having just one choice on your menu, an LPN or the medical field, come up with a few more related things, or it doesn’t have to be even related. Something in that area that would be safe for you, like I might be able, for me with the life saving, I might be able to teach the bookwork with people, but I wouldn’t do the actual water work because that's not me. So I would take that as a gift for yourself, to expand your knowledge of what else you could do, and use that energy to see if you can get back to work in an area that's safe with schizoaffective disorder. So listen, I thank you so much for the call.

And here’s a little more from Dr. Kenner.

I was dating someone, and it ended badly. He was my first. I loved him, and then he changed.

Yeah.

He got mean.

Yes, and you didn’t stop loving him.

And that's from Buffy, and that may resonate with many of us. Maybe you had a relationship where you just loved the person, and you felt that infatuation. There were definite character traits in the person that made you want to be with him, maybe for the rest of your life, and what you didn't want to see, and what came just out of the blue, was some abusive behavior or a dealbreaker behavior. Yet, the part of you that still loved him—what do you do? Your mind is wrapped around that, and you have such a desire to deny the facts. Yet, is this person good for you long range or not? And the answer is a resounding no. Especially if it's your first love, it can affect your view of romance, and you don’t ever want to get the feeling that love is futile.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com, and please listen to this ad.

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You can download chapter one for free by going to DrKenner.com, and you can buy The Selfish Path to Romance at Amazon.com.